On the different seasons in life: thank God we don't always have it all
another year, another unlearning
Housekeeping: hi, hello, I’ve been away in August, celebrating some big milestones that I cannot wait to share with you soon inshallah. Silly me, forgot to turn off the paid subscriptions for August so I will comp an extra month for paid readers. I’ve also made annual subscriptions 40% off as a way to say thank you for reading and being here. Thank you, always, dear ones.
For all those wondering about what I teased on Instagram, keep your eyes very open and peeled!!
If you had told me three years ago, I would be getting married while in the biggest transitions of my career, where I don’t have as many savings as I once did and when, my thirties have given me the peace of mind to not know it all and that I was entirely correct all along in thinking that being a South Asian bride comes with plenty of blessings but also burdens, I perhaps, would have talked myself out of it.
Actually, I know I would have, in fact, backed away, convincing myself and everyone around me that I was not prepared enough.
However, as I sit down, my knee nestled between a dark oak dining table of a friend’s newly furnished kitchen, my fingertips stained yellow from the turmeric-based prawn bhuna that was heated up and I take a look around at the immediate group of girlfriends around, I realise that everyone is in a season of their own.
One friend comes in later and has just finished a shift at work and is deliberating her romantic relationship; another is trying to navigate the transition from making a side hustle to becoming a full-time businesswoman and isn’t certain about her dating prospects, and in the back of another’s mind is her child, who hasn’t been feeling all too well this week.
While looking around at these women, I realise another deep-rooted life lesson, overturning and unlearning.
When people used to say that ‘having it all’ was a myth, I didn’t actually believe them. I have been raised to be able to have it all. To have good grades and remember my Arabic lessons but also excel in ballet and any classical musical instrument, while thinking about university before I even attended secondary-school. My parents echoed the ideas that ‘everything is important’; therefore, everything must be done to a high standard, all of the time. There was no room for flaws.
And although that has created many à la problems in my adult life, when you are young and shiny and healthy and able, you are applauded for being dependable and doing it all.
But perhaps it’s the sheer nature of getting married, the mammoth of details required for the South Asian procession of events or better still, the years before, that taught me that just because you can do everything all at once, does not mean you should or have the capacity to. Haley of
’s words, ‘Balance is a long game’, rings a bell. Or maybe it is the empirical evidence that is directly in front of me: no one has it all at the same time.Right before my eyes, I watch as one friend solo travels while I find myself discussing table favours and flower displays and wedding schedules — both of us, confused about our current situation in life, believing we’ve done a Freaky Friday as the twenty-five-year-old versions of ourselves would have predicted it to be the other way around.
I believe what adulting has softly shown me in my thirtieth year is that a) everyone is enduring something, but also b) there are seasons for everything in life.
The other lesson Life has shown me in the softness of her palms is that the clichés are true: life really does not always turn out how you planned it.
Thank God, it’s better than our limited brains could ever imagine. Alhamdullilah.
I think it’s rather wonderful that we don’t all get what we want all of the time and when we thought it would happen.
How boring and unappreciative we would be if it happened ‘on time’ and all at once.
How exciting it is that we have seasons in life.
To one day be the person of honour, then another day, be the guest, watching your friend make her dreams a reality.
That is to say, I hope September brings a softer, slower autumn breeze and allows you to lean into the season of life you’re in right now.
With aram,
Tahmina
September playlist:
Nice To Each Other by Olivia Dean
Dynamite by Tyla, Wizkid
So Good by Destiny’s Child
Love Me Not by Ravyn Lenae
lovely as always!!!! <3